Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
