We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
