We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize