Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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