I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
