That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
