think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
