I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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