I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a search helicopter?!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
