why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
MIDGETS
????
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
