i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
