I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
