I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
