GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
