the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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