I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
