We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
