you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
