you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
