I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
