So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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