Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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