first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish you could order shots online.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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