wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
