is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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