We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
