My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
