This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
