I will die if light touches me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
