I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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