At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
