they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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