He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
