She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
