Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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