Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
