didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
