I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize