During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
