All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
