1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
