Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
