that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
