would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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