those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
