Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
