I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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