Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
