Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
