I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
