nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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