Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
