Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize