Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
