Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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