This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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