I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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