there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
