She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
