First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
