Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
