The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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