I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
