His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
