u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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