Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
