You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize