don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize