his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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