Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
