so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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