just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
