The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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