you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize