Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
