Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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