Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
