she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
