meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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