after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
