i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize