So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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