apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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