I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
