Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
