my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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