We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
