Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we should paint friendship bongs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize