I just threw up on my dentist
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
