just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
