if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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