i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
