I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize