Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
