I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
