My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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