Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
