the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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