I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
