i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
