So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
