I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize