brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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