party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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