1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
