everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
