arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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