Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
